Always Is Always
by houseisamazing
Summary: "The heart wants what the heart wants and her heart wanted Richard Castle." Another story where both of their secrets come out, except this time Castle is the one who holds a grudge.*First story ever!*


It was 3:45am and Castle's phone rang once again. Rolling over, his hand searched for his phone on his nightstand.

"Castle."

"Morning Castle," said Beckett on the other line.

"Beckett! Did you call just to hear my voice?"

"You wish! We have a murder, you in?"

"Always," said Castle, making Beckett's stomach flutter.

"Alright, I'll be there in 20." Beckett responded.

Then, the phone went dead. With a groan, Castle rolled out of bed with only one thought in his mind. _Another day at the 12th._

* * *

><p>As soon as Castle got in the car, he handed Beckett her coffee. Coffee became an everyday routine between the two. How he always had time to make her one was still a mystery to her, and today was no different.<p>

"For you, Detective."

"Thanks, Castle." Beckett said with a smile.

"So, what does this glorious morning have to offer us?" Castle asked with excitement.

"All I know is that our vic was found in an alley behind a bar. Won't know anything else until we see Lanie," responded Beckett.

"Robbery, maybe?" Castle mused.

"Won't know until we get there," said Beckett.

* * *

><p>"What do we got, Lanie?" Beckett said in full on detective mode.<p>

"Morning to you too, Detective." Lanie said, sarcastically. "Male, 25, GSW to the head. No wallet, but his cash was still in his pockets."

"It has the feel of a robbery, but it's not." said Castle.

"Obviously," Beckett responded, rolling her eyes. "Espo, you and Ryan find an I.D. on our vic. Castle and I will go see if anyone saw anything."

It was a long and grueling day. Somehow, Beckett couldn't help but draw parallels to her own mother's case. Found in that alley up against the wall. The evidence just wasn't adding up. Standing in the bullpen, Castle and Beckett were staring at the murder board trying to come up with a motive and a suspect.

"A mob hit?" thought Castle out loud.

"You and your theories. It wasn't a mob hit, Castle. They would have taken his cash. Something isn't adding up." Beckett said. "Something isn't adding up."

* * *

><p>After calling it a night, Beckett drove Castle home without a word. Both were deep in thought wondering what could have happened to their victim. With a quick goodnight, Castle walked up to his loft and headed straight to his office. He would never tell Beckett, but he saw the parallels to her mother's case too. Now that he had his own murder board, he was determined to find a connection. That was the only answer. A knock on his front door startled Castle from his revere. Wondering who it could be, he prodded to the door without a second thought.<p>

"Beckett? I thought you were going home." Castle said with surprise.

"It's just this case, Castle. I can't get it out of my head. I don't know what to do." Beckett said, avoiding eye contact.

Castle stepped aside and allowed Beckett to enter.

"Sit. Let's talk," he said. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Wine?" Beckett asked, hopefully.

"Of course."

Castle returned and handed Beckett a wine glass. She accepted it with a smile.

"So," said Castle. "What's going on?"

"I don't know, really. I guess this case just reminds me of my mom. I mean, our victim was found exactly like my mom was. Do you think there could be a connection?" Beckett asked taking a sip of her wine.

Castle knew that if he said yes, she would dive right back into her mom's case. He had to protect her. That was his job. If she got any closer, they would kill her. He decided to do the one thing that he promised himself he would never do to her and that was lie.

"Kate. I really don't think so. I see where you're getting it from since he was found just like your mom. I even saw the similarities. I get it, but I think that's just it. These two cases are similar, not connected. None of the evidence points to any sort of connection with your mom's case." Castle sighed.

The use of her first name didn't go unnoticed by Beckett. She knew that he was sincere in every word that he had just told her, so she decided that it was all in her head.

"I...I guess you're right." Beckett sighed.

"You say that, but I know you're having that inner battle right now. You're thinking about how you could find a connection and try to prove that the same person killed our victim and your mom." Castle tried to reason with her.

Truth be told, she was. She knew something wasn't right and she knew exactly why. She needed to find a connection, but the fact that she was so emotional and he knew her so well started to make her angry.

"And so what if I am?" Beckett argued. "I can do whatever I want. She was my mom."

"It's too dangerous, Kate. You know that. One day, you're gonna get yourself killed." Castle argued back.

"And how would you know that, huh Rick?" Beckett screamed.

She found herself growing increasingly angry at everything Castle said. She's a grown woman. She can take care of herself. What gives him the right to think he has to protect he from everything?

"Because I watched it happen, Kate. I was there, remember? I saw that sniper shoot you. I held you in my arms and begged you to stay with me while you were dying." Castle screamed, getting up off of the couch. "Oh wait, you don't remember. That's what you said, right? You don't remember anything." he finished, sarcastically.

"I don't want to hear this. I don't need this right now. I'm leaving." Beckett said, getting up from the couch.

"Fine. Go." Castle said, walking up the stairs to his bedroom. "I'm going to bed."

"Fine." said Beckett, angrily.

As she got up to get her jacket and leave, something caught her eye in Castle's office. There was a picture of her on his television. It was a picture of her and all of the people involved in her mother's case. It didn't take her long to put two and two together and realize that he had his own murder board. That was her mother's murder board.

Castle never heard the door close and walked down the stairs to see if Beckett was still there. He found her in his office, staring at the murder board of Johanna Beckett, and in that moment he could believe how stupid he was. He never turned it off because there was a knock on the door and Beckett came in and...that's right. He was too distracted by her. He never turned it off. Hearing his footsteps behind her, Beckett slowly turned around.

"What the hell is this?" she whispered.

The question was simple, but Castle couldn't seem to for any words to answer. He'd never heard Beckett use that tone before. This was a whole new kind of angry. Castle decided that this, this wasn't his fault. He wasn't taking the blame again. He was just trying to protect her, so he asked a question of his own.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked.

She ignored his question and repeated hers.

"I said, what the hell is this, Castle? Tell me, now."

"This is your mother's murder board." Castle said confidently.

"How dare you..." Beckett whispered. "How dare you." she said again, louder.

"I told you, Kate. I had to protect you." Castle explained.

"I'm a grown woman, Rick. I can take care of myself. Who the hell do you think you are? You had no right to dig into my mother's murder and without telling me?" Kate screamed and continued. "I can't believe this. I can't believe you'd go behind my back like this. You know how important this is to me. If you loved me at all like you said you did, you would have never done this. I'm so angry; I can't even think right now, Rick. I'm leaving. I'll call you when I'm ready to talk to you again. Don't bother coming into the precinct tomorrow."

As Beckett got up to walk away, Castle grabbed her arm. He stared straight ahead and didn't say a word as the anger rose on his face. Just as he was about to speak...

"Let go of me, Castle." Beckett demanded.

"You remember." Castle whispered. "You remember. You always have, haven't you?" his voice started rising. "You lied to me. You told me you didn't remember. Why would you do that? What, were you scared, Kate? You know what? I'll answer that for you. Of course you were scared and when Kate Beckett gets scared, she runs. Apparently, she runs and doesn't come back for three months. This time, I'll save you the trouble. We're done. Get out of my loft."

"Castle...I," Beckett pleaded.

"I don't want to hear it. You lied to me. Get out."

"Rick-"

"Kate. We're over. Goodbye."

* * *

><p>Three months went by and Castle was true to his word. He never called, came into the precinct, not even a text. The first couple of weeks, Beckett figured he was just cooling off. He always comes back. He said always, didn't he? But the weeks were getting longer. Beckett found herself checking her phone every five minutes, just in case there was a missed call. Even Ryan and Esposito began to notice the change in Beckett.<p>

"Yo, Beckett." said Esposito.

There was no response. She seemed to be in her own little world.

"Beckett." Espo said a little louder.

"Yeah, Espo? What's up?" Beckett said, snapping out of it.

Esposito walked over to her desk and decided to see how she was doing. He sat right down in Castle's chair and asked-

"Are you alright, Kate?"

"I'm fine, Espo. Why?" Beckett asked, trying to fool him with a smile.

"These last three months, you haven't been yourself. We all know something happened between you and Writer Boy. It must have been bad since we haven't seen or heard from him, but I can tell it's hitting you hard. You're not fine, Kate. Why don't you go and talk to him?"

"Javi," Beckett explained "thank you for caring, but it's not that simple. I'm fine. I don't need him. We don't need him.

"Alright, but think about what I said?" asked Esposito hopefully.

Beckett gave him a silent nod. She had a lot of thinking to do tonight.

* * *

><p>As soon as Kate got home that night, she threw her keys on the table and headed straight to bed. Why did Esposito have to put those thoughts in her head? Why did he have to make her think? Tossing and turning, she tried to fake her body into sleep with no such luck. Picking her phone up off of the nightstand, Kate's fingers hovered over his number. It was 9:30. He was awake, right? But he hated her. He didn't want to talk to her. Hell, she didn't need him. <em>Why are you laying here trying to work up the courage to call him? <em>She asked herself. She did need him. Whether she liked it or not, she needed him. She was in love with him. No more pretending, hiding, running away. The heart wants what the heart wants and her heart wanted Richard Castle.

When Kate hit the call button, she started to panic. What do you say to someone who kicked you out of their lives? What do you say to the man you're in love with?

3 rings...

4 rings...

"Hello?" Castle's voice said on the other end.

"Castle." Kate let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding. "How are you?" she asked, eagerly awaiting his response.

"Oh, gotcha! This is Richard Castle's phone! Leave a message!"

Quickly, Kate hung up the phone. Her face dropped. It felt so good to hear his voice, and that wasn't even him. She should have known he wouldn't answer. Almost like a robot, Kate got out of bed and started to put her clothes on. She was going over there. She was going to talk to him. She had to.

The drive to Castle's loft seemed to take forever. Kate's nerves were going crazy. She had no train of thought. On autopilot, she got out of the car and headed up in the elevator. When she got to his door, Kate froze. Should she knock? This wasn't her place... She shouldn't be here. And before she could fully talk herself out of it, she knocked. Twice, actually. Hearing footsteps move toward the door, she gathered up all of her courage. She was ready to face him.

To Kate's surprise, Alexis was the one to answer the door. The girls face instantly hardened when she realized who it was.

"Hi, Alexis." Kate said, hoping Alexis wasn't as mad at her as Castle was.

"Detective Beckett, what are you doing here?" Alexis asked, bluntly.

"Is your dad here?" said Kate.

"Yeah, but he doesn't want to see you." said Alexis.

That statement hit Kate hard. A surge of emotion ran through her body, but she tried her best to push it away. She wouldn't let Alexis see her cry.

"Alexis, please. Can I just talk to him for one minute? Please." Kate begged. She was desperate.

"Hold on." Alexis said, closing the door on her.

_Should I leave?_ Kate thought. _That wasn't such a warm welcome. Maybe this was a bad idea. I shouldn't have come._Just ask she was turning to leave, a familiar face opened the door. Kate couldn't help but smile.

"Castle." she whispered.

"Detective Beckett. What are you doing here?" Castle asked her directly.

"Can...uh...can we talk?" Kate asked, avoiding eye contact.

"What is there to talk about?" he responded.

That took Kate off guard. He knew how much they had to talk about and how much this had affected their relationship. What an arrogant, ignorant-

"Ca...Castle. We haven't talked in three months. You haven't been to the precinct, called, anything."

"I didn't think there was any reason to, Detective. I left your team. Like you said, I wasn't even a cop. It couldn't have been that much of a loss. Why would I have any reason to call you?" Castle explained.

"I...I don't know." Kate said, defeated.

"Then, I ask again, why are you here?" Castle demanded.

A simple questions. So many answers. What was she supposed to say? "I needed to see your face." or "I missed you." or "I love you."

She decided to go with, "I need to talk to you."

"About what?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"You know what. Don't play the innocent victim here, Castle. I'm not the only one who kept a secret.' said Kate, a little shocked at her outburst. Pushing herself into his loft, she continued. "You can be mad at me. That's fine. But I have just as much right to be mad at you. You kept my own mothers case away from me, Castle. Do you know how much that hurt me?"

"Not as much as a bullet, Kate." Castle cut her off and continued. "That's what you would have got if you continued to look into your mom's case. It's already happened once and, frankly, I don't think I could go through that again. I did it to protect you. I told you that. You, on the other hand, decided that pretending you couldn't remember that day would be better. I poured my heart out to you, Kate. I told you how I felt. Do you realize how much _THAT _hurt _ME_?"

Kate knew what she did to him. She knew that she hurt him. The only thing she could do now was apologize and beg for forgiveness.

"Yes. I do and I'm sorry. I made a mistake. What do you want me to say? I was scared. I was scared as hell to hear you say that you loved me. Everyone that I love leave me somehow. Everyone is gone. Even you left. That just proves my point. I'm messed up and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm sorry that I hurt you."

Castle could see by the look in her eyes that she really was extremely sorry, but he still had so much more to say to her.

"I watched you almost die in my arms, Kate. I saw the lights go out. I was there. I never want to see you like that again. I would have traded places with you any day, do you realize that? And then you left me for three months. I didn't sleep for weeks. Every time I closed my eyes, you were lying there. From that day on, I promised myself that I would do anything it took to protect you. No matter what."

"Rick, I don't know what to say." Kate said, tearing up.

This man loved her. He practically vowed to love her for the rest of their lives.

"You were scared." Rick explained. "I get that, but I wish you would have told me. We could have worked it out together. Unless, you don't want to work it out. I understand. I can't say that I'm not angry still. Forgiveness comes with time, but I'm willing to give it a try if you are."

At that moment, Kate decided that there was no way out. She decided to open herself up to him. No regrets.

"I am. I forgive you. I've had enough time to think it over and you were right. I didn't even realize how much my shooting affected you. I'm sorry." Kate explained, feeling terrible.

"It's alright, but Kate, can I ask you one more thing?" Castle asked.

"Always." said Kate.

"You heard me. You know how I feel about you. I'm in this one hundred percent and I'm never leaving whether you like it or not. I want you to know that. So, where does that leave us?"

Rick had never been so scared to ask a question in his whole life. He was more nervous now than when he asked his first two wives to marry him. He had no idea what Kate's answer would be. Would she turn him away? Would she love him as much as he loves her?

"Honestly, I have no idea, Rick. You know what I said on the swings. There's a wall, but no matter how many times I try to patch up the holes, you always seem to knock it back down again. I don't know how, but you do. You're always there. Even at the times I don't want you to be, you somehow make everything...work. I want to try this. I can't promise that I'll be good at it or that it'll work, but I want it. I want you and I promise I'll do the best I can."

This was really happening. They're finally giving in.

"That's all I ask, Kate. Wait-" he said abruptly. "Does this mean that I get to call Detective Katherine Beckett my girlfriend?"

"I guess it does, Writer Boy." Kate said with a smile.

He turned around for a second, making Kate wonder what he was doing.

"Yes!" Rick exclaimed, throwing a fist in the air.

Kate could help but break out into a fit of laughter.

Turning back around, he decided that it was time to ask her one last question.

"Can I ask you one more question?" Rick said, moving closer.

"Go ahead." Kate said with an eye roll.

"Can I kiss you?"

Right there. That was the moment that her wall came crashing down. That was the moment that Kate Beckett admitted to herself that she was totally and completely in love with Richard Castle. She had never seen such emotion in someone's eyes before. They were so full of passion and love, she could only nod.

Their first kiss sent tingles down Kate's spine. It was soft and slow at first. It was like Rick was waiting for approval. Of course, Kate gave it to him and he proceeded to deepen the kiss. Once the need for air was evident, they broke apart. Rick's hands never left Kate's face.

He pressed his forehead to hers and whispered, "You're amazing."

Kate just smiled, staring into his eyes. She was so content at this very moment that she couldn't even begin to picture their life together.

"I missed you." Kate confessed. "Those three months were hell."

"Don't I know it? Whatever did you do without your coffee? And me of course." Rick said with a smug smile.

Kate just laughed.

"It feels so good to hear you laugh. I missed it." Rick said honesty in his eyes.

"Oh, what did I do to deserve you?" Kate said, dramatically.

"Shush!" Rick exclaimed, bumping his shoulder with hers.

They headed over to the couch and sat down quietly. They were both lost in their own thoughts. Both on a high, wondering how this happened, yet knowing that it was the best decision they had ever made.

"We're going to have an amazing life together." Rick mused out loud.

"Planning a little far ahead, aren't we Rick?" Kate joked with a raised eyebrow.

"I said always, didn't I?" Rick said, dead serious.

"Yeah, you did. Always." Kate whispered.

"Always is always." Rick said as he tilted her head up with a finger under her chin

He was right. They were going to have an amazing life together. Kate never had to doubt that again.


End file.
